Cosmik Debris

The mystery man came over
And he said "I'm outta sight!"
He said for a nominal service charge
I could reach nirvana tonight
If I was ready, willing and able
To pay him his regular fee
He would drop all the rest of
His pressing affairs and devote
His attention to me

But I said "Look here brother
who you jiving with that cosmik debris?
Now who you jiving with that cosmik debris?
Look here brother, don't waste your time on me"

~ Cosmik Debris - Frank Zappa

  The alarm was going off - Frank Zappa singing about the mystery man and a trip to nirvana on my sweeties cell phone. It was 9pm and time for his evening meds. I rushed to get the pills and turned off the alarm. 

  He had been diagnosed with cancer on January 7th, 2010 and since that day had been prescribed long acting medication for pain to be taken every 12 hours along with another prescription as needed for break through pain. They said he had non-small cell lung cancer - stage 3b. Inoperable and incurable. Regular doses of pain drugs quickly became routine in our life and this was the song he chose for the alarm to remind us it was time for his meds.

  I heard it twice a day, every day for the rest of 2010 and January 2011. I lost him on Saturday, February 5th at 3:15 in the afternoon. 

  I'm not sure I'll ever be able to hear Zappa the same ever again...

  I decided to write this blog to help me with the grieving process and to tell the story of our lives together. It may seem a bit disjointed at times as I intend to write about things as I remember them, but I'll try to keep the time line intact.

  We were two people very passionate about each other. We were so on the same wave length that he often joked that we shared a brain. He truly was my other half and since his passing I feel as though someone has amputated the part of me that he once occupied.